Ketchup is God's man juice
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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