It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize