I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize