she was so not down for the gang bang
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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