I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.