I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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