i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.