I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
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Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
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How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.