I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
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we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
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She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch