Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy