stop calling my apartment porn island.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
