Define "chronic" masturbator.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
