he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize