Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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