Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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