I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
