Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
