My friends, they love my intelligence
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?