Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
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Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.