My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.