This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
