So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
