11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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