The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
