I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
