he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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