so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We had to coat check the pizza.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
