My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
