I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
