Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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