I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
