are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
