Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
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I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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