I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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