Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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