im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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