i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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