I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
