God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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