please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
