She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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