It's Friday. Sex?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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