would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
