Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
