I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
