I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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