it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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