and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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