i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
