If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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