see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
