The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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