I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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