your room smells of hookers.
And success
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
