I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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