When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
