You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
