Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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