those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
