Need sex. Gaining weight.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
