im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
