watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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