Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
