haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
