Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There r osticjed everywhere
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
