ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
