This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
