He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
there is puke in my bra ... again
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