apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
