You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
