Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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