help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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