well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
