You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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