I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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