I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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