The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
