Who did Billy Mays play for?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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