Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
