I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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