You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
that is very illegal...i love you.
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