Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
