we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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