Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
