i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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