"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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