I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
