I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
