Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
