Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
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I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
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I FOUND THE LEGS
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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