Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
