I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
