Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
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No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.