last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy