so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
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Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
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On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.