Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet