I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
sarcasm needs its own font
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra