Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
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The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
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I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.