Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
