I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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